No, the matches do not help!

So I went to this sushi restaurant tonight. Just before the food was to arrive I excused myself and walked over to the bathroom. I tugged on the door, but obviously there was someone in there so I just waited patiently outside. I thought I smelled something nasty coming from under the door but dismissed the thought. This guy wobbles out and then I duck into ... aaaaa!!!! W.T.F.?!!!! It seriously smelled like flaming pee! Then I look down into the bowl and see ...

... two burned out matches ...

What the hell?!

OK, so Mr. I-Don't-Know-Your-Name did a big stinky. I agree that's dag nasty. But to attempt to cover it up by burning not one but two matches? Oh good grief! That just made the stank like a hundredfold more über-stanky! Flaming pee! Listen to me!!!

OK, kids, the lesson is: Shit happens. Just don't set it on fire.

How To Do Your Taxes

I hate taxes. And this year I've procrastinated longer than I ever have. Here is a log of the day's events of how I did my taxes on Saturday April 15...

April 15: 2:30 PM: Opened eyes after a long night at the club.

2:32 PM: Went back to sleep.

3:35 PM: Opened eyes again. Realized I have 8 hours to do my taxes. Went to the shower.

4:10 PM: Walked out of the shower, dried hair. Realized I'm hungry.

4:46 PM: Finished cooking dinner. Turned on TV. Watched an old episode of the Daily Show.

5:01 PM: Went back to bedroom. Realized I need a special CD to get my computer working. Started searching room...

5:50 PM: Gave up said search. But then when I started my computer and opened the CD tray ... found the CD was in there! DId required upgrade.

6:12 PM: Found TurboTax software box. Opened it. Inserted CD into computer...

6:20 PM: Started chatting with friend on Yahoo.

8:51 PM: Finished chat. Finally double-clicked CD icon. Started TurboTax.

8:55 PM: Surfed to irs.gov. Found out deadline is Monday the 17th! Went back to chatting on Yahoo.

10:13 PM: Imported last year's tax info.

10:17 PM: Snack.

11:23 PM: Snack.

April 16: 1:17 AM: Finally done with filling out forms! Clicked to transmit results: The Intuit Electronic Filing Center is unable to complete the transaction, please try again later. Drats. Time to go to bed.

How To Buy A Mattress

I'm questing to find a decent mattress and oh boy is it going to cost. The one I like retails for about $2100, but the cheapest discount price I've seen for it is hovering around $1500. Still, owwww! Remember, this doesn't include the frame (which will probably be about $600)!

Anyways, I'll probably update this later but there are certain things to know about buying a mattress:

• The markup on mattresses is ridiculous. Always bargain for at least 30% off the asking price.
• If you pay a fee to dispose of your old mattress it may be a per-piece fee.
• Don't feel you have to get a box spring. Mattress and box springs are often sold in sets, but it is not a requirement. Personally, I recommend choosing your frame first and your mattress second.
• You may void your warranty if you do not have a box spring or proper mattress support. You know those really expensive designer frames that have the wood slats at the bottom to support only the mattress? Apparently that is considered improper mattress support. Either you'll have to get a box spring or you'll have to get a board custom-cut to your frame size.
• Don't ever buy a mattress sight-unseen. You need to feel it, roll on it, bounce on it! Just reading the "statistics" is not enough.
• Make sure to ask about a money-back guarantee.
• Mattresses are expensive. Expect to pay minimum $900 for a queen.
• More coils do not mean a better sleep. I always go by what feels best to you. That said, the foam part is probably more important because you'll feel that the most.
• Salespeople will always rush you. Just like buying a car, take your time. Say you need to look elsewhere for frames. Delay. Get their business cards. Etc.
• Thicker mattresses may not fit your designer sheets! Be sure to measure the mattress depth---a lot of new mattresses have really thick topping.
• If your mattress develops dips in it greater than about 2" then you get a replacement for free if under warranty. This of course supposes that you have a proper bed frame with a box spring or proper mattress support! (See the above note on warranty voiding!)